How should we deal with those who criticize, make unkind or sarcastic remarks? How does your faith or the spiritual principles that you align with -- guide you in this situation?

3/8/2014

I wrestle with this question. When someone treats you in a way that you feel is disrespectful or hurtful, should you be direct with that person and tell them how they have made you feel or should you 'keep the peace' and just resolve not to have that person in your life any longer or only to a very limited degree? Generally I would say nothing and just move away from the offending person. But recently I decided to confront the friend directly. I reasoned this way. I value my time and my life and I need my energy to focus on all the good things I want to set into motion and being drained by negative comments, criticism and unkind remarks from people who are supposed to be my friends, will only deplete me. I also feel that telling the person that he or she has hurt you because of how they communicate or the words they used -- actually helps them get in touch with how they are interacting. I ended up speaking my mind and while I may not have been as diplomatic as I could, I feel that I cleared the air. I feel that I go out of my way to treat people with respect and understanding and I feel that I deserve the same. The ideal of course as Jesus said is to, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I think being honest with people who have hurt you -- gives them a chance to reflect on their behavior and communication and just maybe, the next time around he or she will think about the application of the Golden Rule. This time around I chose to speak my mind and I feel that this is important in order to live authentically. I feel that this is an important part of valuing my life, time and energy. How have you dealt with unkind, critical or sarcastic remarks from friends, colleagues or family? What does your spiritual belief guide you to do?

27 Comments

Margaret B. pRAVATA

3/8/2014 08:29:17 pm

I believe in confronting the person and clearing the air..."To me honesty is still the best policy'

bonnie duarte

3/10/2014 10:47:04 pm

Jesus tells, in the Course in Miracles, that we are either loving or looking for love. i have come to understand that when we criticize we are looking for love so i WORK to respond in a loving manner. even constructive criticism IS criticism and we cannot undo criticism thru criticising. teaching by example is known to be most effective.
so i always STRIVE to respond in a love giving way...no
small task i assure and can only hope to fail my way to success.xoxoxoxo

Margaret B. Pravata

3/12/2014 11:04:11 pm

To Bonnie. I Iovingly disagree about constructive criticism, I always welcomed it and found it very helpful but you definiitely have a humble fashion, which is commendable so I offer you my proverb: "Whosoever gleans the wisdom of tongue and scroll and scripture ; Wear the crown jewels, to recollect and scribe their glistening; with wind harp and vista in a humble fashion " M.B.P.

3/13/2014 02:42:41 am

the challenge, i find is when opinions are elicited. I work then to
offer observation. Ah, but when they are not solicited...
i hold fast to reservation!
and i always welcome loving disagreement as it promotes
expansion. xoxoxoxoxoxox

MaryLynn

3/13/2014 03:07:08 am

I very much welcome honest and constructive analysis -- whether it be of my work or my behavior. What I don't welcome is sarcasm, snide remarks, and back-handed compliments that create a kind of tension and useless negativity. I think one can often tell by how they feel in their gut if someone is offering honest feedback or just being nitpicky and unkind. I think people who make unkind remarks are really just very unhappy people. I often think of the scene in Legally Blonde in which Reese Witherspoon is talkng about the woman who allegedly murdered her husband. She says, "She just couldn't have done it. Because she teaches exercise and exercise creates endorphins and endorphins make you happy -- and happy people just don't murder their husbands." I think the same is true for unkind comments. Happy people, for the most part, don't have any need or desire to make other people feel bad -- it's the endorphins.

bonnie Duarte

3/15/2014 03:23:18 am

AMEN. Wonderful analysis!

3/13/2014 10:36:12 am

My Spiritual belief guides me through "'TRUTH"...As much as I love Jesus, I do not agree with all of his teachings.The Bible has been revised so many times in the past 2000 years, I question it's complete validity. Not to mention the books that were left out of the Bible and why?
In St.. Matthew. 18:21 Then came Peter unto him, and said "Lord how oft shall any brother sin against me, and I forgive him? " 7 times?"
18:22 Jesus saith unto him, "I say not unto thee,
until 7 times; but until 7 times 70 times."........

That seem to me too much forgiveness,. some crimes require Justice. If forgiving 7 times 70 were too common a practice Justice would become obsolete

What I cannot tolerate is the forgiveness of molesting priests, while female teachers go to prison for endangering the life of a child--
Why aren't molesting priests imprisoned as well? Only a handful are.,because they believe they can confess to their clergy colleagues and all is well, but all is not well, and the so called Christians that wear blinders to these facts and worship priests to the point of idolatry is beyond my comprehension ! John 14: 6
Jesus saith "I am the way, the truth and the life"

(and I believe in TRUTH) M.B.P.

3/15/2014 04:23:07 am

I am in alignment with your belief in truth as guide. I have been in
pursuit of truth among the religions since my early teens. I found
that, as a result of religion being man made, absolute truth within any religion is non existent. Only in the spiritual realm does truth in pure form abide. I am also aware of the endless interpretations of the bible and christianity. I believe the omitted portions contained
lessons on how we are to be guided though our personal communications with our father, needing not to seek answers from
without, ie. priests and the like. Therefor, the effort to control us was the purpose of the omission.
I do, however, lovingly, disagree with regard to the forgiveness matter. I believe forgiveness need be extended infinitely and as with compassion, when understood correctly, this does not mean we will allow ourselves to be perpetrated upon. There IS a way for us to escape victimization from those with a higher degree of insanity than ourself ( let's face it, we ARE all insane ) The Son of God is ONE, we are not separate as we have chosen to think. this is what the Atonement...at one ment, was given us for. to awaken to this truth. for we are in a dream state such as when we sleep and this
world which we have made is no more real than that of the one we make while we lay our heads to rest. Once again, I must reiterate, this is my belief based LARGELY on the teachings in A Course in Miracles. But back to forgiveness, which cannot take place without judgement. Ah there then we have judgement, and who are WE to
judge? and what laws do we judge by? well certainly not those man made as there are differences in what is considered right and wrong,
acceptable and unacceptable across the globe. Perhaps the ten commandments? well then, to judge another is a sin as is the sin that be judged. We need be mindful of our own thoughts and behaviors based on the " suggestion" of the gift of commandments.
It is contradictory to speak of the FREE WILL that God granted us then expect intervention or even reward and punishment by HIM.
I apologize, there is so much more to be said, discussed, understood. I could go on like this forever, yet I cannot at thistime.
I welcome rebuttal. thank you xoxoxoxoxoxo always love

3/15/2014 09:25:49 am

When you say that forgiveness should go on forever and it does and I'm sure it will---I choose not to be a judge or jury only in Spirit a public defense advocate for the innocent children that were physically and emotionally defiled and I might add some quite innocent adults. I don't believe in martyrdom.
Jesus was coveted by the Christians that made him Christian in the eyes of so many but Jesus in fact was a devout Jew and when he said to Peter ....... St Matthew 16:18" thou art Peter and upon this rock I shall build my Church. "I believe he said that because Peter denied him St. Mathew 26,34 " thrice "and I believe it was because Christ wanted to be denied, and Jews do deny Him As he most humbly wanted
... and his so called "Last Supper" was actually his Passover Seder Meal " The Last Supper" was the title of de Vnci's painting some 500 years ago around the same time the Guttenburg press was discovered and when when Bibles were first printed into books Thencforth His Passover Seder Meal became known as"The Last Supper"....
In fact my interpretation of de Vivci;s "Last Supper"I will leave for another discussion....M.B.P..

3/16/2014 04:18:02 am

yes, i am very aware of this which you speak. and some have
said it is Mary Magdalene who stands to his left if looking at the painting ( if i remember
correctly) .

3/15/2014 06:49:02 pm

Actually Catholicism was the first original Christian religion,all other Christian religions broke away from Catholicism. When I stated that Jesus was coveted by Christians in my belief he was more specifically coveted by the original Catholic Religion......
I could't deny Christ even if I wanted to because I had a vision of Him

Of my Vision..
.
"Thy Comfort, Thy Savior ,
Thy most Gentile shepherd
Thy Light..
Robed in a Smile and Garment of White...
and in a Loving Aura of Light" M.B.P.

Acts 26:16..".I have appeared to you for this purpose...To make you a minister and a witness."
I discovered this passage years later...
Jesus also said :You have seen me and believe but Blessed are they that have not seen me and believe.......I know this passage is in the Bible but I can't find his exact words to quote Him. M.B.P.

I am not against Catholics I have family and friends that are Catholic, that I love dearly I just don't agree with all of their beliefs and practices....

3/16/2014 04:23:03 am

I am not against anyone. I have noticed, with age, i am much more
particular about who i include in my experience on a regular basis.

3/16/2014 01:39:16 pm

you are correct about Mary Magdalin but in my interpretation she is repulsed because JOHN is in the center denying Christ his seat in the center. Christ is to the right of John in the center as you're looking at the painting. and he is taken aback by it...The diciple with his finger pointing up is saying To John in the center "God is watching you," .
and It seems to be Christ's Mother leaning over him, pleading with John to give Christ his seat back.The 1st of the last 3 men on the left is motioning to stop The 2nd last to the left. is saying look at him.The last to of the last 3 men to the right is saying "What can we do?" M.B.P. I hope you have a photo of the 'Last Supper painting to follow it closely.

MARGARET B. Pravata

3/16/2014 02:11:20 pm

I must be very tired I KEPT SAYING John in the center WHEN I most definitely meant PETER in the center because it was Peter that denied Christ, and that was Leonardo's way of expressing it
.
CORRECTION: "PETER is in the CENTER" of LEONARDO'S PAINTING OF "THE LAST SUPPER" my interpretation M.B.P.

3/16/2014 11:38:09 pm

Bonnie , in your previous statement you are saying "forgiveness cannot take place without judgement" but you also say "but who are we to judge?'
Isn't that a contradiction? It's like saying also who are we to forgive" I also don't remember the ten commandments saying anything about, that it is a sin to judge.. Jesus will ultima
tly be the final judge. ST. JOHN 5 22 " For the Father judgeth no man; but hath committed all judgement unto the son"..
I also believe that judgement comes from the mind and forgiveness comes from the heart. .....M.B.P. .

3/18/2014 07:27:18 am

Margie, We all have our beliefs and that is all they are, for we do not
know the truth, regardless of what the bible tells. Also, as we have said, there are so many interpretations and each of us would have our
own if we are not following someone else's. I believe, when we forgive " without selection" and when there is no end to our forgiving, the judgement would be absent from the forgiving. There is no fighting against anything in heaven...so i have heard, LOL, so it would seem sensible for us to create a mindset in keeping with that
of heaven IF we are to have heaven on earth. All creation takes place in the mind that is where the work is done. we are not our bodies. We do not die, our bodies die and we dont need them. I believe our Brother Jesus was wanting us to learn that of the resurrection.
it is not my intention to change a beings belief that they are comfortable with and i have no need of agreement by anyone to strengthen my own. I welcome this type of banter, however, there is
too much to speak of to be covered through this forum.
i love you all

3/18/2014 07:37:47 am

Marge , i am corrected, the commandments do not speak of our judging one another as sinful. I believe it is in the Bible, but i
don't know where. or maybe i made it up out of some logical deductions. :)

3/18/2014 12:22:30 pm

I do remember reading in the Bible, though I can't quote it exactly;

so as you judge you shall be judged

I would like to offer at this time for the lost plane, a little prayer that always worked on a smaller scale, hopefully it will work for the lost plane, on a larger scale"Infant Jesus come around, something's lost and must be found".

3/19/2014 03:31:30 am

AMEN

barbara jolie

3/19/2014 04:59:53 am

my interpretation about not judging others, although it is in the Bible and in Matthew and Luke, is that the minute we judge others, we have left our hearts in connection with them, and moved into our heads and intellect which tend to divide, categorize and separate.
So when we are loving we are doing so, regardless of others faults.
It's all about connection and being connected which the Buddhists want so desparately foru humankind too.
I also think that the moment we judge others sometimes we are noticing the very thing in the other person that we have in ourselves. Therapists know this very well. That it is easier to see in someone else, what we do not own in ourselves, because we cannot yet see it in ourself.
So when we notice the log of wood in another's eye, the Bible says, 'hey, let's get real here. Check out the splinter in your own eye ;) ha ha'
And so when we work on the splinter in our own eye, we notice that the log in someone else's eye does not have the emotional charge that it once did.
Because we see it and well, so what/ it's there. Big deal. Been there done that.
I think that Jesus wants us to gently look at ourselves and admit our faults and then come together again in love.

3/19/2014 05:12:21 am

In regards to telling a person that they have offended us I think that I really ask myself about the character of that person.
Is this a person that is going to take this in and reflect on it?
Or are they a person who will just deflect it, fight it, deny it, shrug it off and do again, to me what they did in the first place, which was to disrespect. And in that case I choose to limit time with that person.
I also look at how close I am to the person and how important it is to say something or not.
But I think that the most powerful thing going is to thoroughly detach from someone else's view of us and do not give it power to influence how we feel about ourselves.
i have heard Joel Goldstein give a talk about standing firm in your belief of yourself in spite of the 'naysayers'.
Because they may be secretly jealous or envious, we do not really know the motives of others all of the time and they may not know their motives themselves.
The other thing is that someone may just be having a really bad bad day and then we need to give them the benefit of the doubt and let it go.

3/28/2014 04:38:55 am

Hi Barb,
Don Miguel Ruiz authored the book " The four Agreements"
the 2nd agreement is...don't take anything personally.
ANYTHING! what you say reminds me of this. and i have learned
through "practicing" this agreement that even tho the person may
be intending to attack another it is never about the other person
that is causing the need to attack. OR the compliment LOL, when someone thinks we are great its not about us either. So i believe as you do in the power of detachment from ridicule and also from compliment.

3/28/2014 08:05:49 am

"There is neither a right way or a wrong way , only a sincere way; as a painter oblivious to praise or objection :a painting sincere"

M.B.P.

3/29/2014 05:56:36 pm

So in the Spit of Sincerity "let us pray that our imaginations be guided by Divine Law, elst we cultivate the seeds of damnation"

M.B.P.

3/30/2014 01:24:19 am

it APPEARS to be, as far as one might see, that the seeds of damnation
have already been cultivated. Thankfully, as i would understand it,
our God would not leave us without remedy. If we were able to think with reason and sanity, we would understand that our Father would not punish or reward us, nor intervene in any way with our doings as
that would nullify our free will. He has, however, given us the gift of the Holy Spirit to work thru us SHOULD WE CHOOSE to allow him to do so by aligning our will with HIS and be led back to our Father.
I do pray for us to be joined in holy communion for this purpose. In order for us to be joined in HOLY communion we would need to look upon one another as sinless as I believe was Jesus's intention? As
YOU say Margie, all there is is NOW and we can choose to be in the Holy Instant as sinless...or not.
always love

3/30/2014 04:52:31 pm

No Thank You Bonnie,I prefer to witness the greatness of God's unique diversity of Creation in the present "HOLY" Instant... which to me is the essence and purpose of life...
As to being sinless or not, I believe we all fall short of being sinless and I leave that up to Christ in His second coming , His last judgement... M.B.P.

Bonnie Duarte

3/31/2014 04:37:56 am

Ok Margie, I respect your right to preference xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

How should we deal with those who criticize, make unkind or sarcastic remarks? How does your faith or the spiritual principles that you align with -- guide you in this situation?

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